I had a dilemma. I call it “The ‘Here I Am, Send Me’ Dilemma!” It’s about reticence and fear of committing fully to God’s will.
I watched the Charlie Kirk memorial a couple of weeks ago. Erika Kirk struck me with the story of her intense concern for Charlie's comments at one Turning Point USA conference a while back. She told him backstage that she wished he had consulted with her before quoting Isaiah 6:8 to a large group of young people. In the verse, Isaiah tells God that when He asked Isaiah who would go to help save lost Israel, Isaiah said, “Here I am. Send me.”
Charlie said that he also told God the same thing about lost America. Erika shared that God might take him up on his words and that she feared for their young family.
For years, I have had the same fear that Erika shared. What would it mean to give total control of my life to the God of the universe? And would He take me places I don’t want to go? What would it mean if I did what Charlie Kirk did and told God, “Here I am. Send me.”
I realize I don’t have nearly the platform that Charlie Kirk had. The circle around me is minuscule in comparison. But the ‘giving over to God’ of any life is the same, no matter who says it.
One member of my church said it best on a Wednesday night. He said that he had read a book in which the author said, “Be careful what you ask for, because God might take you up on it.”
So, what was it that I was so scared of for so many years that I could never quote that verse to God for myself? I think I have the answer. It’s the fear of suffering.
You see, I’m a wimp at heart. I hate even the smallest amount of pain. I wince when I hear of stories of intense suffering of others—in my family, in my church, and others that I know. I even think of celebrities who seemingly had the world by the tail, but they ultimately met the fate of every human being on earth—suffering and death! I equated that verse as giving over to God that which I was hesitant about—my life.
My fear of suffering, death, and even jail has actually served me well over the years. It kept me from delving too deeply into drugs and alcohol. One awful experience with alcohol and two bad trips using drugs were what it took to steer me away from them. And that was even before I was a Christian.
It also played a big part in my coming to Christ in the first place. I had no clue about the meaning of life—of why people had to suffer and die—and of why there were wars in various countries. God used these fears I had of suffering and dying, and others suffering and dying, to bring me to Himself.
So, about two weeks ago, I shared my fear of quoting what Isaiah and Charlie Kirk said to God in a Wednesday night church service that I had previously referred to. That night after the service, I researched a couple of Bible passages where God sent people to help seek and save the lost. The first one was Isaiah himself.
The second one is in Acts 26:17-18, where Paul tells King Agrippa of his salvation experience, where Jesus personally tells him the following: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a share among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”
That night, I concluded that God calls all Christians to say the same thing to Him. And that it’s not something to be scared of. God has the entire plan for each of us in the palm of His hand, and we don’t need to fear what He has control over.
In conclusion, I said it, and I think it’s safe for all of us to say to God who wants to send us out to save a lost and dying world—'HERE I AM. SEND ME!’
I realize I don’t have nearly the platform that Charlie Kirk had. The circle around me is minuscule in comparison. But the ‘giving over to God’ of any life is the same, no matter who says it.
One member of my church said it best on a Wednesday night. He said that he had read a book in which the author said, “Be careful what you ask for, because God might take you up on it.”
So, what was it that I was so scared of for so many years that I could never quote that verse to God for myself? I think I have the answer. It’s the fear of suffering.
You see, I’m a wimp at heart. I hate even the smallest amount of pain. I wince when I hear of stories of intense suffering of others—in my family, in my church, and others that I know. I even think of celebrities who seemingly had the world by the tail, but they ultimately met the fate of every human being on earth—suffering and death! I equated that verse as giving over to God that which I was hesitant about—my life.
My fear of suffering, death, and even jail has actually served me well over the years. It kept me from delving too deeply into drugs and alcohol. One awful experience with alcohol and two bad trips using drugs were what it took to steer me away from them. And that was even before I was a Christian.
It also played a big part in my coming to Christ in the first place. I had no clue about the meaning of life—of why people had to suffer and die—and of why there were wars in various countries. God used these fears I had of suffering and dying, and others suffering and dying, to bring me to Himself.
So, about two weeks ago, I shared my fear of quoting what Isaiah and Charlie Kirk said to God in a Wednesday night church service that I had previously referred to. That night after the service, I researched a couple of Bible passages where God sent people to help seek and save the lost. The first one was Isaiah himself.
The second one is in Acts 26:17-18, where Paul tells King Agrippa of his salvation experience, where Jesus personally tells him the following: “I am sending you to them to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a share among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”
That night, I concluded that God calls all Christians to say the same thing to Him. And that it’s not something to be scared of. God has the entire plan for each of us in the palm of His hand, and we don’t need to fear what He has control over.
In conclusion, I said it, and I think it’s safe for all of us to say to God who wants to send us out to save a lost and dying world—'HERE I AM. SEND ME!’
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